Oh hell yes I'm getting braces.
Spoke with my orthodontist today and vocalized my immense disappointment at the surgery's sloooow as molasses on a cold day proceedings with the insurance company. I asked about the likelihood of switching to the (faster and cheaper but out of pocket) Charlotte outpatient clinic mid-braces. He said it was no problem, that there is no need to further delay getting braces now that I've committed to surgery (having a job that pays regularly helps you feel more confident about staring $15,000 worth of surgery in the eye with or without the backings of insurance). And apparently there's a new outpatient jaw surgery open/opening in Durham that his office is looking into.

In two weeks, after I have settled into the new job and got all my medical and dental policy numbers straightened out, I will call him back to arrange to get the braces put on. (And he's not terribly far from where I will be working, either.) If the surgery is still dragging their feet, we shall pursue a line of inquiry with an outpatient clinic, but we will no longer be waiting on surgeons or insurance companies to begin.