Leigh turned my inexhaustible rage to this video on CosmoTV, by way of femisting, of course:
WARNING: This show features gross generalizations from an idiot who has no idea why the guys in her life keeping having sex with women who aren't her. Does she have a degree? Probably not. She's just an editor in chief for Cosmo, which is little more than advertising tarted up with annoying quips and some slick design. From the sound of it, she doesn't even have sex. By no means is this woman an authority on anything but editing a tarted up advertising rag, but she's being interviewed by another woman, so the unsuspecting public automatically assumes, oh, this must be some kind of psychologist or marriage counselor. Why do men cheat? Truth is, she has no f-ing idea.
That would make even Carrie Bradshaw throw up on her Manolo Blahniks.
This little show is filled with so much condescending stereotyping that it's a disservice not just to women, but to men as well! I would go so far as to say that Kate, the woman being interviewed, hates men far more than even the most zealous feminist ever could. She certainly doesn't give the opposite sex much credit by painting them as little more than drooling apes who must be forced to wear chastity belts because, hyuk, there's just no helping them! Gosh and golly, the poor things are unable to think with anything but their penis and can't be expected to make decisions or practice self-control. The little dears! Is it me, or does that sound a little like how men regarded women back in the Good Ole Days? Poor little dears can't be trusted with money or responsibility!
When I hear men talking about women like we're irrational creatures that think of nothing but shopping, I get pissed. When I hear women talking about men like they're irrational creatures who think of nothing but sex, I get pissed. I'm a woman, and I think about sex. A lot. Even now that I have a mate who can regularly help me with that, I still think about it. By Kate's description, because I can't stop thinking about sex, I should be running around screwing lots of guys because one just isn't enough. She completely disregards the emotional and psychological reasons people cheat--or can't cheat.
Let's break it down! (Queue the 90's rap intro.)
It seems like men are hardwired to cheat.
What? Why would anyone say that? Does every man cheat? No. What about women? We're the ones who can have orgasm after orgasm. Aren't we hardwired to cheat, too?
Well, of course women cheat to sometimes, I'm sure.
Let's just blow right past the (probably equally) large number of women who fool around on men. I mean, they're just sluts. They're not like you and me. They totally would stab their own kind in the back. Not like this whole video isn't doing that already by blaming you for the emotional and sexual shortcomings of your mate choice. Pfft, silly!
Men aren't as discriminating.
Seriously, anyone who can decorate an entire house in brown must have horrible taste in everything. And face it, every time a guy cheats, it's always with someone far inferior to our awesome-ness.
They get restless.
Oh, like girls don't get restless. Normal people, when they get restless in a relationship, don't run out and ruin it by having sex with someone not their partner because that tends to end the relationship. I'm not a psychologist, but I'd be willing to go so far as to say that when a man cheats, it may be his cowardly way of trying to end a relationship without actually having to say the words, "I don't love you anymore." It's a glorified form of procrastination that involves the thrill of possibly getting caught at any moment. I totally pulled that out of my ass and it makes more sense than what Kate is saying. That's so bad.
You're not paying enough attention to him.
Oh, honey, look at me! Look at me! I made you a macaroni picture of Jesus! That didn't get her to put down the dishes, leave the kids to their homework and start giving me head? Darn, I guess I'll go down to the bar, drink myself silly, and take a complete stranger to a hotel. Sigh.
There's just not enough excitement. Guys just love variety.
This is beginning to remind me of the French and Saunders skit about the so-called television expert who just makes stuff up as she goes along, depending on the topic. Kate thinks that all men need a harem to be satisfied. Need I remind you that a woman is capable of far more orgasms in one day, but when we start fooling around, no one suggests the we need a hotel packed with sexy, exotic men trussed up in all sorts of bondage gear and... long... flowing hair... to be... satisfied... with little... boots...
I'm sorry, where were we? Right. Men crave variety and lots of sex. Women want macaroni and cheese and romance novels. We have absolutely no thoughts about crazy bondage hotels filled with men who have no problems getting naked with each other. No thoughts at all. Men are the ones with the imaginations and crazy sex drives, not women. Right.... vinyl boots...
Guys cheat primarily because they really love sex.
And I bet they rape because they really love sex, too. Wait, by leaving women out of this statement, it's implied that women don't really love sex, and hence are incapable of cheating, except for those oversexed slut whores mentioned above. They'll cheat on anything that moves! Poor boyfriends should be dating someone nicer and undersexed, like you. Oh wait, that interferes with our next tip...
There's not enough sex.
From what I hear, there can be too much. Remember Peg from married with children? It is possible for a woman to hump a man to death. I know this. You know this. Kate, she does not know this. And I always thought that women's number one complaint when a man started fooling around was that there was less sex than before. So obviously the woman has needs! I'm just saying, it's not about needs not being met. That undertone irked me in the Sex and the City movie. It was it's one faltering point.
Cuddle less, copulate more. In more poses. With more outfits. And maybe with another girl as a prop.
But, but I like cuddles! Obviously men don't need emotional closeness. They just need sex. Lots of it. Keep the sex coming, and they'll be happy forever, even when you want it more than they do. But, hey, society won't be understanding if you need a little external "help" to get your own needs met. You're a girl. Girls aren't supposed to like sex. It makes their makeup run.
If he's cheated before, he'll probably cheat again.
Okay, that is pretty solid advice. When a man cheats, there's really nothing he can do to repair that. It's like a dog that bites, even if it did it just once, it's a loose cannon that is not to be entirely trusted ever again. Studies show that people who cheat tend to be repeat offenders, and I've been told first hand that the first time is the hardest and after that, it gets easier to do.
But they cheat because they're addicted to sex.
Not because they're mentally messed up in any way. No, that's just how normal, healthy boys act! And don't be alarmed if he starts torturing baby ducks or burning anthills, either!
But you can forgive him if he was cheating on a self-absorbed bitch.
Because you would never expect him to put your career and happiness first. You're not a bitch.
If you think he had a valid reason for cheating and feel you can forgive him, sure! It could work out!
And monkeys could fly out of my butt. First of all, is there ever a valid reason for cheating? Secondly, can you ever forgive someone for betraying the trust you so openly gave them? Can you ever fully give them that trust again?
Mass media tries to push on us that if we aren't Perfect Women 100% of the time, with perfect hair, perfect bodies, perfect makeup, teeth, shoes, houses, kids, husbands, pets, vacume cleaners--the list goes on--then of course our pitiable, primative man-creature husbands and lovers will go crawling off to some other, far more perfect but much more evil, woman to get their rocks off because we have failed in our womanly duties. OMG, you couldn't juggle bringing home the bacon, cooking it, raising your kids and rubbing your slimy husband's feet while reciting "she sells seashells by the seashore" thirty times fast. Bitch, you deserve what you get! Hire a nanny and get back on that bed with your legs spread in some $100 negligee from one of our advertisers!
I love this guy's response to their video. It's surprising that a stuffed animal has so much wisdom:
I am severely disappointed at the naivety of Cosmo's editors. I'm so sad there are still women this in the dark.
Have some Dawn French sorbet: